The Heart of a Filipina

Insightful — that’s the best way to describe how my previous week went. It was stressful and eventful. I hardly had time to sleep or have some work done in the house or even blog. In the end, it’s all worth it. All the life’s lessons I learned, all the crying and empathizing… all were worth it.

All those experiences, I learned from real life’s survivors — kids behind bars (mga bata sa likod ng rehas na bakal). They’re usually referred to as “children in conflict with the law” and they were our training participants for our course on values development.

Course or module designing is among my skills as a senior trainor. This time however, it took me days to finally put together a day-session for these kids. I had to do a lot of thinking and research to come up with the right design but that’s not all, our training team had to practice every activity ourselves in order for us to understand and feel how the kids would respond. Most of the kids were in their teens but only few of them managed to get secondary education, our modules were designed to cater to their comprehension level.

Prior the actual training, we visited their penitentiary several times to acquaint ourselves with them but did it in an unobtrusive manner. We observed that the kids have the tendency to be withdrawn and aloof. We readied ourselves with this reaction by making our preliminary sessions more interactive and fun so they would warm-up to us.

Lesson One. We greeted the kids with smiles and warmth that usually come from a good friend or a close kin. We were expecting they would just look at us or ignore us but to our surprise, they smiled back and responded very lively! One of them even honestly remarked: dito lang kami nakaranas na itratong tao, hindi kriminal (it is only here that we were treated like humans, not criminals). Every person wanted to be treated as equal, even kids already condemned not by law but by unlawful judgment.

From then on, the kids were very participative, except to a few who remained distant and aloof. These were the ones we learned were almost totally neglected, no visitors from family members for a long time. Their personality were toughened by hatred.

Lesson Two. As we went on with our journey with them, we learned very important insights: that all their misbehavior, troubles, and pains rooted from their homes. Indeed, values development starts in the family, it is a primary parenting responsibility. I remember one of our professors from my CPE class said: “if only parents would share their role in caring for and disciplining their children, teachers would be able to concentrate on what should be their primary task — teaching.” Instead, most of their time are devoted to mothering (includes disciplining and arbitrating, guidance and counseling, etc.) their students because of the neglect these kids experience in their own homes.

One of the youngest of the kids, a streetchild whom I would name Dante, was separated from his parents when he was still very young. In an activity where he was asked about the things that matters to him, he silently cried nonstop and was only managed to murmur these words: mahal ko si mama (I love my mama)… This young boy and all the others, though suffered terrible things in life and blame these to their family, still long in the end to be at peace with them and share a loving relationship. It’s ironic isn’t it? This made me believe more that the dearest person to your heart are also the ones who can cause you the most pain.

A family is a gift from God. It is where the roots of our personhood is founded. As far as our orientation in life is concern, our point of view and our values — all of it are bring into being in our family. How we have have been taught to relate with our kins would also be our parameter and principle in our relationship with others.

These children were born inside a family they learned to hate in the process and it would take time, guidance and loving relationships to heal the wounds in their hearts.

Lesson Three. One thing is certain to us after spending the day with these young folks: they wanted a second chance but fear the life outside of detention wouldn’t be too inviting for them.

Everyone deserves a second chance, especially the young. But their innocent question is simple but would affect the way their lives would be lived forever: how will they change if the environment outside of prison remains the same? They may look like adult physically with the tendency to be violent and rebellious but in reality, they are just children trying to protect themselves from people who nibbled their self-worth by wearing the mask of being strong and uncontrollable.

Lesson Four. I am not yet a professional counselor and facilitator. I am burdened by their pain, I carry their depression and problems in my heart. Not only once I had to stop in mid-sentence because my tears get in the way, my heart bleeds from compassion and cry even before they do. My director said yes, I am not yet a professional, but by showing my humanness, the kids trusted and responded.

I would never forget what she told me: “Mhel, maybe God did not make you rich because it is not with money that you would be able to help others.” I almost cried because she already answered all my questions in life. She just affirmed why I am staying in a job that does not allow me to grow financially and career-wise but allow me to bloom as a person and as a person for others.

It is our choice to make. We only live once and life is a matter of perspective, “either you complain because roses have thorns or you rejoice because thorns have roses. It all depends on how you look at it.” It is my and my co-facilitators’ task to redirect the perspective of these kids into something positive so they would not just live life for survival.

I hope that in the near future, these young people would be able to find their joys in life and not just survive it on a daily basis. Thus, I give them this quote which I read in a forwarded email and also posted from “d spot” of Dine Racoma:

The happiest people in the world are not those who have no problems, but those who learn to live with things that are less than perfect.