Comments on: Filipina Mail Order Brides

By: perla

perla — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 14:52:41 +0000

12 years ago, i spoke with angry tones against the mail-order-bride industry and the websites. back then, i was fired by my nationalism and background of student activism. but I was also hindered by my elitism and background of privilege in the Philippines. i had no regard for the women who find that they place their hopes and dreams of a good life through these services. these days, after corresponding, meeting and talking with, and reading about people on both sides, i hope I have a more balanced outlook. but it’s still a bleak outlook.

the philippine government corruption and impoverishment of its people has yet no end in sight unless some sort of coup by enlightened, highly evolved leaders takes place… imperialism and the mentality of white male privilege is deeply ingrained, unless their is a revolutionary shift in the consciousness of the world… therefore, the circumstances that create the phenomena of the western men seeking women abroad and philippine women seeking husbands abroad still exist. they will continue to believe that the way to better their lives is through the options given through MOB sites… they will continue to seek each other out. and the mail-order-bride bans have already been circumvented by MOB services by re-naming themselves pen-pal or matchmaking sites/services…

it may be that the only people who are willing to aid the unlucky migrant women who end up with abusive husbands are either women’s groups OR a community of good folk who are composed of other MOB couples who have found each other, understand and accept each other without judgement.

here are some links on mail-order-brides posted by some women’s groups.

Mail Order Brides and the Abuse of Immigrant Women
http://www.nostatusquo.com/ACLU/anderson/brides/pg1.html

Violent Deaths and Disappearances of Filipino Women and Children in Australia since 1980.
http://cpcabrisbane.org/CPCA/Deaths.htm

incidentally, the goodwife.com calls the women of these groups “feminazis”. i think it’s more about justice, though.

problems, that beget problems, that beget problems. what are the solutions?

By: Pmn

Pmn — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 20:58:23 +0000

I think the orginal article is mostly right but is too harsh on ordinary Americans and generalises about the movitates of those who seek relationships with woman in the Philippines.

But to be sure, American imperialism is a big problem. This notion that if the Filipinos just “work harder” then eventually the nation will catch up is just laughable. Anyone can surely see this as being a very predictable thing for American imperialists to say and it suits their warped worldwide. The reality is that it is in their interest to keep the poorer interests poor as they are the reason for the higher standard of living, even among the relatively poor, in the West.

That said, it is wrong to generalise about ordinary Americans and others. Yeah, sure, a lot of these arrangements are probably not ‘love’ but how many in the west, even among the rich, are?

Did you really think Catherine Zeta-Jones would have been interested in Michael Douglas, had he been Michael Douglas the poor bus driver and not Michael Douglas the movie star? And these are just the obvious high-profile examples. It has always gone on and will continue to do so.

By: A

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 21:51:47 +0000

@Rob - not to discredit anything you say because I am not one to argue politics, but before you had launched into your own tirade against Neomi, you might’ve read the article more carefully as it was clearly stated in the beginning that it was a comment from a reader. The reason that puts your own comment under scrutiny is because it would seem that you instead skimmed the post. came to a conclusion too quickly, and too eagerly told her off.

Seriously, take a pause before you start blaring your horn. Seems you got a little too personal with your arguments when the statements in question wasn’t even hers to begin with.

@Neomi - About the post, If I understand correctly, I disagree that the mail order bride service is some U.S. government conspiracy to hold down the Philippines. While I don’t believe that the US (or any) government is above doing such things, I would say that the blame, if any, falls on those who patronize the service. From the clients who order, to the girls that list themselves as brides. I understand that times can be tough and a person has to do what they need to in order to survive (including the idea of finding love and/or financial support through a catalog), but it IS the existence of those that would continue to use these services that keep it alive. If it is to be extinguished, then much of that falls on the hands of those people. We should all know that even making something illegal doesn’t stop people from doing it. The only way it can really go away is if there were no clients or no brides to list. It is a business and as long as there is a demand for it, it will exist and keep afloat. On our end, I do agree with Issai that we should educate these women as they come into their marriages about where to seek help, about the laws of their country, and how not to become too dependent on their husband. Always have a plan B if things don’t work out.

I also disagree with the sentence, “White Americans are supposed to be the saviors or something?” This leads to the insinuation that the whole comment was directed at white Americans only. Not only would it be unfair to isolate them as a whole because of the stereotype that it is only white men that seek Filipinas as trophy brides, but it is hypocritical to judge them by that stereotype as it is for anyone to stereotype us Filipinas as meek, subservient, exotic-looking punching bags.

By: noemi

noemi — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 11:37:34 +0000

@rob - i didn’t write this. It’s a comment in one post I made and thought I’d show other opinions. It’s one of my reader’s opinions. Read more carefully.

By: Rob L

Rob L — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 20:33:41 +0000

Neomi, I find your article very biased, and highly questionable. You said “the goal of US policy makers is to make nations like the Philippines dumb, poor but subservient….” Rubbish! Malacañang is the boss of the Philippines, not America. Why isn’t your government taking responsibilty for your country rather than blame others? You exhibit classic “crab mentality”. Other Asia countries have successfully evolved from former colonial masters…Singapore, Hong Kong, Malaysia, just to name a few. Why not the Philippines?
Your article would have been more believable if you had not launched into a tirade against the Americans, as it is, you’ve discredited yourself.

You say “The nice by-product in all this is when there are millions of destitute Filipino (and other Third World) women to serve as entertainment and commodities for the American men who can no longer put American women in their places (like the kitchen).” Wow, someone’s annoyed you!

By the way, before you ask, I’m NOT an American.

By: Robert

Robert — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 14:46:23 +0000

I agree with ISSAI whole heartedly. My wife is a filipina and we have been married for over 28 years and counting. I’ve heard of men of different nationalities abusing women from where ever they are from. It is up to the the individuals involved to make the best choice they can with what they really know. I see alot of Filipinas here where my wife and I live. Young girls married to older men. I strongly believe there is NO REASON FOR A PERSON TO ABUSE ANOTHER. The women need to educate themselves and try to meet and make friends outside the home so they will have a network to help them understand the new culture their in but also so the will have a support system to help and guide them.

By: issai

issai — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 21:33:59 +0000

very one-sided, i don’t mind if people want to leave for a better future, but banning is not enough to protect women. you have to educate them about laws and where to seek help. ranting and bashing the US is not helping anything. and why only the US? how about countries that treat women as second class citizens? violence and hatred are not isolated to one country or one gender. and not everyone who is uneducated remain uneducated. because of the internet, the world seems a little smaller. and women who marry foreign men are may not be MOBs. If you want to help, set up something, a center probably to help abused women get back on their feet. creating hatred is not the solution. and i do believe that was the reason for your comment. to plant hatred that would be strong enough to deter women from marrying foreigners. fight back exploitation but seriously not through hatred.

here’s a few questions:
1. is it a guarantee, if you meet someone online and marry them, that’s you’ll be abused?
2. are all abusers from the US?
3. why are you so sure that all MOBs are young and uneducated?
4. you think all men who seek MOBs are rich and ugly? if he’s attractive and poor, does it mean he’s less to abuse women?
5. Do you think women are better off with Filipino abusers?

and i’ll end it with this statement… wtf?