thoughts of a Marikenya
The other day, while I was watching television, I saw the news on Mary Jane Arciaga, the OFW who just returned from Dubai and who allegedly died from a liposuction surgery. She’s beautiful and only in her mid-30s. Such a great loss for a woman who wanted to look better by being slimmer.
Yesterday, I met Sarah (not her real name). She’s a beautiful girl in her 20s, one of the applicants in a jobs fair our group conducted for a mall that will soon open in Marikina. Sarah was applying for a job of a saleslady or a cashier where she was rejected. She was very sad and she was trying to understand why she did not get in when she looked smart and was not bad looking at all. She said: “dahil ba mataba ako?”
Looking at her, I suddenly remembered a female politician in our town who resembled the late actress Ma. Theresa Carlson. She is in her early 40s and is very pretty. She is also very rich and when I saw her again, she was slimmer and people kept on murmuring at her back: “ang payat na niya, salamat sa lipo at tummy tack. ”
I am very familiar with these kind of stories. I have always been the “fat one.” I experienced name calling from classmates and neighbors when I was younger and my insecurities grew bigger as I aged. No matter how good I was at school or how “bibo” I was, people still see me as the plump girl. My confidence was severely wounded.
I remember some time in 2000, I had a good looking boyfriend and I feared so much of losing him to somebody else because of my being overweight. I began to diet and worse, became bulimic. Each time I would eat, I would feel guilty and would vomit what I’ve eaten. It took me a while to overcome this habit especially since I kept it as a secret even to my family and trusted friends. Fortunately, I met someone better who loved and accepted me for who I was.
I also learned to accept and love myself. I began seeing “me” as a person who is as valuable and as special as others. I focused on my skills and developing them to show others that I am more than the flabs that they initially see when they look at me. I became a happier person and regained my confidence.
Feeling beautiful and important depends on how we look at and value ourselves. Believe that people will see the image of ourselves that we radiate to them. If I am happy, even without makeup, people beam at me and say “You look good today!” If I feel lousy and depressed, no amount of make-up is able to hide my feelings.
The point… Be happy and work on steadying your self-concept. It’s important that we know ourselves. That we are confident and comfortable with who we are and what we can and cannot do. Let us not waste our time and our life worrying about our imperfectness. If others think lowly of us, let them. As the cliche goes… “it’s impossible to please everyone” and may I add… “It’s impossible to please everyone especially those who doesn’t want to be pleased.”
Let us not lose more lives to surgeries or waste dreams to insecurities. We are empowered Filipinas of the modern day, we may be fat but hell, we can still feel and look fab!
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Way to go girlfriend!
Thanks for posting this.
We are not our shirt size, nor our fair skin, nor our height, nor our pouty lips. Sure, these are the first things people see in us, but we are more than these combined. We are the spirit that dwells within, whether we are physically beautiful or not.
I agree with you. Focus on the good things that you have and develop them. Then, whatever is not so perfect about you physically will be overshadowed by your good qualities.
Wonderful post! Having a Reubenesque-type of body means there is more of you to love. I’ve been a large woman (since I was 12 years old) most of my life but that didn’t stop me from exuding confidence and charm. So, live long and prosper! As long as we attain and maintain a healthy lifestyle, I think I like the fact that there is more of ME to love.
Large people in the West spend a lot of time “convincing” others how great it is to be fat. When you live in a country where so many people are obese, excuses and positive spin make us all feel better about ourselves.
This article is an example of Filipinos adopting the western mentality on obesity. Since the Filipino people are now getting larger too, lets all shout “Big is Beautiful” so we can keep on eating ourselves into bigger pants! The problem is people are turned off by fat, and fat kills!
Ok lets see. Big people have a higher risk for diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, stroke, cancer, and many many other health problems. Living big is not romantic.
I say work on “steadying your weight” and imagine yourself as a smaller and healthier person. Anyone can get to a healthy weight with the right discipline. The problem is most people lack the will power to take control of their own weight.
i think the author meant to say is that self worth is not equal to weight. Fat kills, that’s true. But when people discriminate against a fat person because he/she is fat, that’s the problem.
It’s not about promoting fatness, not at all. And believe me, if the west was promoting big is beautiful, they’d remove all the gyms, weight watchers, jenny craig food, etc. they’re not promoting obesity. why would they have shows like biggest loser, or celebrity fit club, if all they do is promote obesity? I’d like to know where you got this impression or information, because it’s just plain wrong. even kaiser permanente(medical insurance/medical care) offers some more benefits to healthy people to encourage others to get fit and healthy.
if you watch discovery channel, obesity is not just a lack of will to control weight, there are a lot of factors, including illness, genetics, environment especially in impoverished areas, psychology etc.
hi tess and brainteaser!
i hope mike tried to understand the concept of this artcile, from the point of view of a person (or persons) who suffered from low self-worth because of discriminations and biases of people who are somehow like him.
i have not argued about health issues here because it’s already given and its common sense, of course its not okay to be unhealthy, who said its not? being discriminated for your physical appearance is not just an issue about fatness. thank god i am “just fat” and i can be “cured,” what if i was terribly ugly or with physical deformity, will I turn you off also? i’m glad the people in my environment already saw me as a person beyond those flabs. i’m very thankful i’m past meeting those kind of people you refer to in here:
“The problem is people are turned off by fat, and fat kills!” - mike
thank you issei for wonderfully expressing my thoughts in more ways than i can explain it.
from the moment we were born, there are already biases in life including the physical gifts we received. i was born fat, you should thank god you were not, mike. you should thank god he gave you a gf or a wife who does not have any problem with her digestive system or bone structure. i hoped you would help me and those people out there suffering from all other kinds of insecurities because we were not gifted with the kind of beauty that drives men crazy. if you can’t, oh well, you’re entitled to your own biases. god bless.