Tom (not his real name) a reader of Filipina Images sent me this email and thought I  might find use for the article. I have met Tim once in a forum . Names have been changed. The purpose is really to prevent others from experiencing this ….Tim adds “This guy and everyone like him need to be stopped, and need to be made examples of so that other ill-intentioned men realize they’ll be found out. We’re both furious about this; Ellen (not the real name of Tom’s wife)  for reasons I’m sure you can relate to better than I can explain them, and me because as a man, as an American, and out of general respect to women I can’t abide this sort of person, nor am I going to put up with someone — especially someone of this caliber — disrespecting my marriage, my wife, and trying to break up our home.

I realize it’s a long story, but I had to make sure I told it completely and accurately. Maybe you can find a use for it on the Filipina Images page? That was my first thought, but you may do with it whatever seems best. If it can help someone avoid trouble and a needlessly broken heart.

Here is Tom’s story

———————

“Dennis was really my first boyfriend,” Ellen¹ explains, gently touching a thick stack of letters she has brought to the interview. “For a long time I never really admitted that to anyone, but it’s true. How could I not be in love with him? I was young. And his letters were so romantic.”

“Yours were mushy,” Tom, Ellen’s American husband of six years, says playfully, earning a rap on the shoulder from his wife. “What?” Tom says, feigning injury. “I always thought it was a cute story.” He stops and thinks for a moment, then adds, “At least until lately.”

“Dennis” was Ellen’s pen pal, whom she met in 1988 after signing up for a friend-matching service advertised in a magazine. Fresh out of high school, the young college student from Mindanao was “swept off her feet” by the older, debonair man from Utah showering her with long letters filled with charming prose and romantic poems. “At first I didn’t know he was in prison,” Ellen recalls, “And sure, I guess I was a little shocked when he finally confided in me and told me the truth. But he was such a good writer, and very proper, too – never talked about sex stuff or anything like that. A gentleman, you know. And good-looking, too. So when he explained what happened, I believed him. Everybody makes mistakes, and I thought, well, that’s all it is, and he’s actually a good person.”

According to Dennis, he had run afoul of the law in Utah because of a love affair. He had been seeing a woman who had an abusive marriage, and they had planned to run away together. But on the day of their romantic escape, she had second thoughts and fled the house; in desperation, Dennis had jumped in the nearest available vehicle – which belonged to the woman’s husband – and chased after her, but soon crashed into a tree and was arrested. The problem, he said, was that the scorned husband was a policeman, and had arranged to have Dennis charged with all manner of crimes and sentenced to a lengthy prison term out of spite. It was, he explained, “a crime of passion.”

Ellen’s long-distance romance blossomed for several years, with Dennis occasionally sending gifts and small amounts of money. “I was so naive,” she laughs. “He sent me a check once for ten dollars. I had no idea what a check was then, so I sent it back.” The relationship went so far that Dennis even proposed marriage. “He told me he’d buy a ring and send it to me, and I could just wear it,” Ellen recalls. “But I kind of hesitated. I didn’t want to get married, and besides, he was still in prison….” Several times, Dennis had promised he’d be released soon; he was appealing his sentence, and there was a chance of parole. But nothing happened, and Dennis remained behind bars in America. “I just drifted away,” Ellen explains. “It was around 1995 when I last heard from him or wrote to him. I had a real boyfriend here by then, I had my job, and well, life goes on I guess.”

Tom and Ellen met in 2004, and were married later the same year. “We have our problems sometimes, but we tell each other everything,” Tom says. “When Ellen told me about Dennis, I think she thought I’d be jealous, but I wasn’t. I mean, everyone’s got a past, right? So when she got curious one day [sometime in 2007, as Ellen remembers it] and decided to see if she could locate him, I thought sure, why not? I’ve done the same thing. We have fun telling each other all the stories about ourselves; I’ve met one of her old boyfriends, actually get along really well with the guy, and Ellen’s even talked to my ex-wife on the phone. So it was all just harmless curiosity as far as I was concerned.” After some research through the Internet, Ellen located Dennis through the help of VINElink, a crime victims’ information and notification network in the US. Dennis was still in the Utah State Prison, but was due to be paroled to a community treatment facility soon.

“I had to explain to the VINElink that I really wasn’t his victim,” Ellen says, “But they were very helpful anyway, and signed me up to receive notifications of Dennis’ whereabouts.” Initially, she says, she was not inclined to contact him. “So much time had passed, and I’m married now with my own life and family,” Ellen explains. “I was happy to have found him, and to learn that he was doing okay, but that was as far as it went then.” Through VINElink, Ellen was informed when Dennis was released to a halfway house, and then later when he was paroled into the community. “Finally I wrote him a postcard sometime in 2008,” Ellen says. “He didn’t answer right away. A couple months later, I finally got an e-mail from him, which I was happy about. We e-mailed back and forth a few times, nothing serious, just catching up with what was going on, not even talking about the past. It all seemed pretty normal, really.”

Tom rolls his eyes in mock exasperation. “I teased her about it,” he chuckles. “Of course it didn’t bother me, but it was kind of amusing. She was happy to have reconnected with an old friend, and I was happy for her sake. But then things started to get really out of hand.” The trouble began in early June, when Dennis located Ellen’s Facebook profile and invited her as a friend.

“We started chatting online,” Ellen explains, “And right away he starts courting me. And I just let myself get carried away, too, but honestly, he was affecting me. We chatted for something like 14 hours the first night, and then for hours and hours every day for a week or more.”

“At first it was okay, but it went entirely too far,” Tom adds. “I got angry, and we got into an argument about it. Here’s a guy who is doing his best to actually steal my wife, and what’s worse, she’s actually falling for it. Not a good situation.”

“I admit it: I was having some thoughts,” Ellen says. “But Dennis was really coming on strong, and I was just starting to feel a little suffocated. I tried telling him, ‘maybe you should calm down, and we should just be friends right now,’ but he was so persistent. Then Tom found the website.”

The website Tom found is called SONAR – Sex and Kidnapper Offender Notification And Registration. “We were having a heated argument about this clown, and she makes some comment about he was an okay guy –” Tom begins to explain.

“I said, ‘If I really thought about it, he was a romantic guy that could give me a good life.’” Ellen finishes. “And you said, ‘A guy on the sex offender list with two counts of aggravated sexual assault could give you a good life?’ and then you showed me the website.”

“Right,” Tom agrees.

“I was shocked,” Ellen adds.

“Needless to say, that spell was broken,” Tom says, a little smugly. Ellen confronted Dennis online and demanded an explanation, pointing out that the story she had been led to believe did not reflect what Dennis’ public record said. Dennis replied with the following e-mail:

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This is an email from a reader of the FilipinaImages.com reader.

Steve Schertzer, esl_steve@excite.com
October 15, 2009

Disclaimer: The following is an opinion piece based on fact.

— “The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing; to know in their hearts and see the evils going on around them, but to sit back and let it unfold whether out of fear, apathy or both.”

—Edmund Burke, Irish Political Philosopher. (1730-1797.)

I so want to be wrong about this. I want to be wrong because I feel vindicated and it doesn’t feel good. It’s not because of the Filipino mothers or the foreign fathers. It’s because of the children. I feel vindicated because of the children. In a response to a letter I wrote for www.filipinaimages.com on March 27th, 2009, titled “The Image of the Modern Filipina”, I said this:

“If the Philippines keeps on importing less than stellar foreign men to marry their women, in 10 years this once beautiful country will have tens of thousands of half-breeds running around looking for their foreign fathers, who will have awoken one morning to realize that marrying an uneducated, dirt-poor Filipina was not to their liking after all.”

Yes I did say that, but I was wrong. It’s not “tens of thousands” of children looking for their non-Filipino fathers. It’s hundreds of thousands. And it’s not “in 10 years.” It’s now. And, (if I may correct myself again), it’s not as if these non-Filipinos are marrying any of these “uneducated, dirt-poor Filipinas.” Most are not. So I apologize for my errors. You see, this problem of abandoned half-Filipino half-whatever children is far worse than I originally thought.

Here are three questions that I would like answered by Filipinos, men and women, after you have read and contemplated this well enough to respond intellectually and wisely.

1) Is there a “sperm war” involving foreign men in the Philippines?
2) Is this who Filipinas truly are?
3) Where is the outrage?

There is a seismic shift in Filipino society. It’s been happening for a long time. It’s not an earthquake, although it may feel like one. It’s not a series of typhoons, although millions of lives are being ruined by it. This seismic shift is not geological. Neither is it a product of mother nature’s wrath. This seismic shift in Filipino society is value based. It is a huge shift in personal morality and social ethics. It is a fall from grace. A huge fall from what once was to what is now.

The quotes I use from articles, newspaper columns, and websites will enlighten and inform, but I doubt if it will shock. That’s the real tragedy. Here is the full article from the October 5, 2009 edition of the Korea Times under the headline “Kopinos Search for Korean Dads.”
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Experiences make you realize. Believing makes you value. Marikenya

My family, my friends, and I, are still in awe and in great trauma from what we experienced from Ondoy and his wrath. There are so many stories, mostly, unpleasant ones. But now that all my family and friends are safe from the flood, I wanted to focus on the lessons I learned from the calamity that stunned the whole Metro Manila.

Realizations from the Water:

Every now and then I will post emails from FilipinaImages.com. This one is from Lan Tait, an American and married to a Filipina. He has had an amazing life on the cutting edge of computers and the Internet for more than 3 and a half decades

Here is Lan’s story:

To me, when I think of being a Filipina, I think of my deceased wife, Bhabes Gelito Tait.

http://bhabes.t8s.org/

Bhabes was 27 when she married me. The first kiss she ever received from a man was right after the minister said, “You may kiss your bride.” When we dated, we sometimes went as far as to hold hands! (Gosh!) In the presence of her parents, I was allowed to give her a quick hug when I arrived and another when I departed. The reason was that she was saving herself for her “God’s Best” husband! Let’s see, that was me!

Eight years later when Bhabes died in a car crash, she finished the course of her life having only kissed one man… Again, that would be me!

That’s The Filipina!

Bhabes was a real lover, a lover of God, a lover of Country, a lover of People and of course, a lover of me!

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