At least I thought I was. But then the internet came about and suddenly there was an on-rush of ‘Idealized Filipinas’ as perceived by the American GI, the pornsite king, the friends of Leani Lei. The Filipina for them, was the “little brown gal” often found in Olongapo City bars or some other American GI R&R location.

That did not perturb me in my quest for my soulmate. Often on chat, I’d warn them that I was not the stereotypical ‘Little Brown Girl’ that Filipinas are often pictured as. I’d tell them that they can call me a Manila Girl, the urban Filipina, City Girl.However, the term Manila Girl also has bad connotations as I found out. Tell them you are a Manila Girl and they ask if you are from Ermita or that famous Ferguson Plaza or the L.A. Cafe’. AAArrrggghhhhh!

Okay so what is the one term that will describe me now?

So now I am married to a ‘foreigner’ and living in the Philippines…can I now relate to the word ‘Filipina’? Not so fast lady. Not one word to describe me, I just tell them I am from Metromanila, Philippines (trying too hard not to sound like a Ms. Universe wanna be!).

Ok so kool, I now do not have to describe myself online as I have reached my goal of getting Mr. Right. But why do I feel I still am not a Filipina?

I am here in the Philippines, in Manila, still living in the same house where my grandparents started their family. It is near the house where my great grandparents started their family. I can trace back more then 5 generations of my ancestry here in this same town. I can look forward to 3 more generations from nephews and nieces still in this same country. But I still do not feel like I can even be described a Filipina.

I can cook litson or nilaga or adobo, but I cannot cook kare-kare, or sinigang, or cassava cake. I have been used to eating bread instead of rice. Last item to appear on my dining table is the rice, and we only have a small rice cooker good for 5 people in the family.

I started learning Tagalog only when I moved to an Immaculate Conception School from the English speaking Maryknoll. I think in English and translate in Tagalog, unlike other ‘Filipinas’ who think in Tagalog and translate to English, “Open the light!”

I can prepare a good German Potato Salad, breeze through cooking a breakfast steak, make boiled and fried cabbage, lasagna, all kinds of pasta. I do not really like eating kakanin or puto, but I can make pizza from scratch, bake a party cake and ice it properly.One time I made champorado, I made it with oats and Milo, not with sticky glutinous rice or tsokolate. I got delicious raves for that.

(more…)

I was born here. I was raised her. I was educated here. All in this small town of Malabon, this is where my life is, all of 47 years and counting. I now live with my 52 year old Irishman and I look like a half and half Chinese-Malay descent. He is a British Passport holder, I am a Philippine Passport holder. He has three children by his ex-wife who is Irish, I have three children by my late ex-husband, a Filipino. He has six grandchildren by his eldest daughter. A fact that made me an instant Grandma by default of marriage. So our total brood for now is six and six: six children, six grandchildren. However, we both define our new family as: him, me and my three daughters, all living in Malabon City.

That I have lived in this country instead of abroad is my choice. That I have married my English speaking husband is a Godsend. I met him over the internet in 2001. We had our first eyeball meeting two months after our first emails. Before that we had seen each other through our pc cams and had talked everyday, at least once a day, at the most three times or six times a day. I am the quasi conservative Filipina, who waited for the man to make the first move, and he is this lady’s gentleman, always there to help.

(more…)