Experiences make you realize. Believing makes you value. Marikenya

My family, my friends, and I, are still in awe and in great trauma from what we experienced from Ondoy and his wrath. There are so many stories, mostly, unpleasant ones. But now that all my family and friends are safe from the flood, I wanted to focus on the lessons I learned from the calamity that stunned the whole Metro Manila.

Realizations from the Water:

A Filipina is a woman with a big heart and the author, as she journeyed along with life, realized just how big her heart truly is. It’s amazing how people, especially children, can affect in the most wonderful way, the paradigm and life of a Filifina woman and mother.

I don’t want to survive, I want to live. wall-e

Allow me to share with the readers of Filipina Images this article written by Bobong,  a Filipina friend of mine now living in Singapore. It is about her experiences and learnings in dealing with depression, sickness, and the possibility of acquiring the big “C.” Women are vulnerable healthwise so let us  learn from her and take care of our health. This way, we will be able to help more women become empowered Filipinas. Marikenya

“It has been more than 4 years that I have been suffering from painful monthly periods and other abnormal symptoms attached to endometriosis. My OB in the Philippines gave me 2 choices- go for pain relievers or a hysterectomy. I opted for pain relievers since I could still bear the pain even if the medication had minimal effect on me. Twice I was rushed to the emergency way back 1998 and 2000, and the doctors couldn’t determine the cause of my pain. My OB found 4 growths in my uterus in 2003 and suggested that I bear another child, to hopefully lessen the pain since 9 months of pregnancy means 9 months of no monthly period.

Then we had Sandra in 2004. But having a second child was not the solution to my problem. Pain became more severe and more abnormalities followed.

I still had my regular check ups with my OB in the Philippines whenever we were in town. The growths were getting bigger, the pain relievers were no longer effective, and heavy flow was a discomfort.

On our first attempt to get a second opinion from a MALE OB here in Singapore, I was told outright to go for a hysterectomy since the 7 (not just 4) growths in my uterus won’t get any better and the pain will be more severe if we don’t do something about it.

The findings – adenomyosis with tumor markers in the ovary. If the normal size of a uterus is that of a pear, mine is a watermelon with 7 lime-sized growths (the total weight of this whole mass taken out from me is 300gms).

Thank God that the biopsy done on my ovary showed that the cyst is benign. So, both my ovaries are still in tact.

Statistics show that 1 out of 3 women in the US have hysterectomy caused by endometriosis or adenomyosis, but mostly in women who are 60 and above.

We still lack the knowledge or proper information on prevention and early detection of women’s diseases  therefore most women will go through all the pain and the ultimate solution is a major operation. Women , particularly in the Philippines, are not well informed  on the importance of a regular papsmear, HPV test, cervical cancer vaccination, or regular transvaginal/ ultrasound,mammograms, since we would only see a doctor when we are  pregnant or feel some pain. Secondly, these procedures are quite costly.

The post-operation (first 24 hours) was really painful. I would say 3x painful than my caesarian. But I just kept praying and thanking the Lord that I am lucky that we are covered by a comprehensive insurance that we did not have to shell out a single cent. Edgar was with me the whole time, and so was my bestfriend Liza.

Well wishes and prayers from all of my family and friends gave me the strength I needed.

My UPAAS friends here in Singapore kept me company alternately for 3 nights and my room was filled with baskets of red flowers and fresh fruit.

The stroller Moms who visited me, brought food, made me laugh, gave me gas pains and brought  joy to my heart while I was still in pain

A visit from my sister Coralline, hubby Ricky and daughter Eya from Australia made the days before my operation less worry free for we were up and about going around the shopping malls

I look forward to more bonding with another good friend Agnes Lapena (my co-member in the Down Syndrome Association Phis.) who will keep me company for the next 9 days of my recuperation. She and her family are dear to us.

Lessons learned?

1.Get an insurance that will give you a full coverage. Ours is cashless, that we just had to show our insurance card. Thanks to Pearl Energy Limited for  giving this as one of Edgar’s privileges in the company he works for.

2. For female friends and relatives  – have your papsmear/hpv test and mammogram annually, include a transvaginal and ultrasound, CA125 blood test (to test tumor markers), don’t wait ‘til you feel the pain, it may be too late.

3. Save enough for your medical needs. Our health must not be neglected or our family and savings suffer.

4. Be a good person (ha ha) You will need all the kind words from the friends who are dear to you.

5. Open up to someone when you are in pain. It is difficult to be alone when you are not feeling well. Being in the company of those who love you uplifts your spirit. It also helps to talk to someone who went through the same procedure.

6. Keep praying for strength and for those who love you and trust the Lord that he will listen to your prayers.

7. Get ready for the next reunion of your family or friends or reunite with long lost friends, and bridge the gap with people you have had some misunderstandings with. Life is short.”

Bobong

(Read more articles by Marikenya at http://www.marikenya.com

thoughts of a Marikenya

The other day, while I was watching television, I saw the news on Mary Jane Arciaga, the OFW who just returned from Dubai and who allegedly died from a liposuction surgery. She’s beautiful and only in her mid-30s. Such a great loss for a woman who wanted to look better by being slimmer.

Yesterday, I met Sarah (not her real name). She’s a beautiful girl in her 20s, one of the applicants in a jobs fair our group conducted for a mall that will soon open in Marikina. Sarah was applying for a job of a saleslady or a cashier where she was rejected. She was very sad and she was trying to understand why she did not get in when she looked smart and was not bad looking at all. She said: “dahil ba mataba ako?”

Looking at her, I suddenly remembered a female politician in our town who resembled the late actress Ma. Theresa Carlson. She is in her early 40s and is very pretty. She is also very rich and when I saw her again, she was slimmer and people kept on murmuring at her back: “ang payat na niya, salamat sa lipo at tummy tack. ”

I am very familiar with these kind of stories. I have always been the “fat one.” I experienced name calling from classmates and neighbors when I was younger and my insecurities grew bigger as I aged. No matter how good I was at school or how “bibo” I was, people still see me as the plump girl. My confidence was severely wounded.

I remember some time in 2000, I had a good looking boyfriend and I feared so much of losing him to somebody else because of my being overweight. I began to diet and worse, became bulimic. Each time I would eat, I would feel guilty and would vomit what I’ve eaten. It took me a while to overcome this habit especially since I kept it as a secret even to my family and trusted friends. Fortunately, I met someone better who loved and accepted me for who I was.

I also learned to accept and love myself. I began seeing “me” as a person who is as valuable and as special as others. I focused on my skills and developing them to show others that I am more than the flabs that they initially see when they look at me. I became a happier person and regained my confidence.

Feeling beautiful and important depends on how we look at and value ourselves. Believe that people will see the image of ourselves that we radiate to them. If I am happy, even without makeup, people beam at me and say “You look good today!” If I feel lousy and depressed, no amount of make-up is able to hide my feelings.

The point… Be happy and work on steadying your self-concept. It’s important that we know ourselves. That we are confident and comfortable with who we are and what we can and cannot do. Let us not waste our time and our life worrying about our imperfectness. If others think lowly of us, let them. As the cliche goes… “it’s impossible to please everyone” and may I add… “It’s impossible to please everyone especially those who doesn’t want to be pleased.”

Let us not lose more lives to surgeries or waste dreams to insecurities. We are empowered Filipinas of the modern day, we may be fat but hell, we can still feel and look fab!

Read More Writings by Marikenya.