Posted by mylenekeane in The Filipina | 4 Comments
Am I a Filipina?
At least I thought I was. But then the internet came about and suddenly there was an on-rush of ‘Idealized Filipinas’ as perceived by the American GI, the pornsite king, the friends of Leani Lei. The Filipina for them, was the “little brown gal” often found in Olongapo City bars or some other American GI R&R location.
That did not perturb me in my quest for my soulmate. Often on chat, I’d warn them that I was not the stereotypical ‘Little Brown Girl’ that Filipinas are often pictured as. I’d tell them that they can call me a Manila Girl, the urban Filipina, City Girl.However, the term Manila Girl also has bad connotations as I found out. Tell them you are a Manila Girl and they ask if you are from Ermita or that famous Ferguson Plaza or the L.A. Cafe’. AAArrrggghhhhh!
Okay so what is the one term that will describe me now?
So now I am married to a ‘foreigner’ and living in the Philippines…can I now relate to the word ‘Filipina’? Not so fast lady. Not one word to describe me, I just tell them I am from Metromanila, Philippines (trying too hard not to sound like a Ms. Universe wanna be!).
Ok so kool, I now do not have to describe myself online as I have reached my goal of getting Mr. Right. But why do I feel I still am not a Filipina?
I am here in the Philippines, in Manila, still living in the same house where my grandparents started their family. It is near the house where my great grandparents started their family. I can trace back more then 5 generations of my ancestry here in this same town. I can look forward to 3 more generations from nephews and nieces still in this same country. But I still do not feel like I can even be described a Filipina.
I can cook litson or nilaga or adobo, but I cannot cook kare-kare, or sinigang, or cassava cake. I have been used to eating bread instead of rice. Last item to appear on my dining table is the rice, and we only have a small rice cooker good for 5 people in the family.
I started learning Tagalog only when I moved to an Immaculate Conception School from the English speaking Maryknoll. I think in English and translate in Tagalog, unlike other ‘Filipinas’ who think in Tagalog and translate to English, “Open the light!”
I can prepare a good German Potato Salad, breeze through cooking a breakfast steak, make boiled and fried cabbage, lasagna, all kinds of pasta. I do not really like eating kakanin or puto, but I can make pizza from scratch, bake a party cake and ice it properly.One time I made champorado, I made it with oats and Milo, not with sticky glutinous rice or tsokolate. I got delicious raves for that.
That I have fair skin and chinky eyes and look more Chinese than the illegal brides from Taiwan, does not make me less of a Filipina. I am me, I am comfortable where I am, I am happy in my own country.
Makes me wonder why the Filipinas who live abroad think I am less of their kind of Filipina? Am I less of a Filipina just because I choose to live in the Philippines instead of abroad? Just because they are abroad, what makes them superior to me?
I don’t have to prove myself. My husband flew all the way from the UK to marry me and that is a very flattering gesture. I am an urban Filipina, not from any province but my small Metro Manila town. I am just as Filipina as the Filipinas who choose to retire abroad with their foreign husbands. For me, the grass where I stand on, is just as green, or even greener than the grass on the other side of the fence, whereever the otherside may be.
neng, pinay na pinay ka. dugong pinay ka kahit ano pang gawin o ginagawa mo.
(“,) salamat cel!
You ask, “Am I a Filipina?”
Reading your post, I say, sadly, “You’re not there yet, girl.”
Being Filipina is skin-deep. You look in all the wrong places: chinky eyes, fair skin, what country you live in, what dish you cook, what food you eat, what man you marry… That all means NOTHING. Being Filipina is that inner strength within, that certainty that wherever you go–the probinsya, the UK, the moon–you’re YOU.
Being Filipina is a badge of womanhood. Of wading through the pedestal of the Maria Clara, the romanticism of men (both foreign and Filipino), the lusty images of the GI’s, the hype of pop culture and the internet, the confusions of being a dislocated immigrant. Value your race’s past, live in your present, make high stakes for your future.
Being Filipina is knowing, within your gut, that if you were to be born again and had a chance to choose what mortal self you would assume, you would immediately answer, “Make me a Filipina!”
I hope someday, you, and many more of our beautiful Filipina sisters, will find out what it means to be Filipina. Then, instead of asking if you’re Filipina, you will be proudly saying, “I AM FILIPINA!”
Stand proud!
ProudlyFilipina
I am pinay. Proud, Brown and I know my roots. I follow the original religion of my people before the Philippines was raped and pillaged by Spain. I eat, cook, and practice the traditions of my people, whether they are American born, Philippine born, Canadian born, UAE born, etc. I speak or dabble in the dialects of my parents as well as speak the colloquial tagalog that is around me. I DO NOT LAUGH AT THE ACCENT, I HOLD ON TO IT AND USE IT TO SCOLD MY CHILDREN. I wear my hair long, straight and dark when I want to. I am trendy, classy, and respectful. I own the best traits of an asian ,hispanic, and indigenous race. Instead of downplaying my culture, I embrace it and put it on a pedestal so that others can envy and wish to have as much culture as I do. I am inventive, caring, loving and intelligent. I treat other Filipinos like family and not my enemies. I will not sell my body or my soul for money, fame or recognition…but I will be admired and allow people to admire the things that make me unique. I honor myself, represent my race, and understand my roles as a privileged Filipina. I refuse to allow the stigma–the negative stereotypes–to define me. I am not timid, I am not average, I am not a follower. I am a born leader.
Let them hate…I could care less because I have been the best of too many worlds for so long. I have just chosen to be humble and modest until now.
WATCH OUT SISTERS!!! OUR TIME HAS COME. We have been oppressed. We have underestimated and cheated ourselves. THIS IS THE GENERATION OF FILIPINAS THAT WILL CAPTIVATE AND CHALLENGE THE WORLD. WE WILL DARE TO BE UNIQUE AND TACTFULLY CLIMB OUR WAY TO THE TOP OF OUR OWN RESPECTIVE LADDERS.